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From our Pastoral Intern Eben MacDonald
Fear
Part 1:
As I continued discerning the call to priesthood, my biggest enemy was
fear. Sometimes we’d rather settle for our current situation in life,
even if it’s not totally satisfying, because it is safe. We often think
it is better to deal with someone or something we are familiar with and
know, even if they are not ideal, than take a risk with an unknown
person or thing. Fear can be a very powerful force that can prevent us
from moving forward in our lives.
As I considered the thought of priesthood I became
fearful of leaving behind the safe, comfortable life I was living. I
would have to give up my job, my house, and relationship in order to
pursue priesthood. Jesus was inviting me to come follow him just like he
did the first disciples, but I was afraid to let go. I prayed for the
courage to be able to “drop my nets” and follow Jesus just like Peter
and Andrew, James and John had done when Jesus invited them to be
disciples. I began to bargain with God. I wanted off the hook about this
priesthood thing. I asked “Aren’t I doing enough, Lord? I am a good
person, I contribute to charity, I am active in all sorts of parish
ministry and volunteer work. Isn’t that enough?” But Jesus continued to
tug at my heart and invite me to think about being a priest. When it
comes to vocation, God is very patient and very persistent. He doesn’t
force it on us, but gently invites, and patiently awaits our response.
As I confronted my fears, the story of the rich man in the Gospel spoke
loudly to me. The rich man approached Jesus asking what he must do to
inherit eternal life. The rich man says he is an upright person who has
kept all the commandments. But when Jesus asks him to sell all that he
has and give to the poor, then come follow him, the rich man walks away
sad. He couldn’t pay the cost of discipleship. That story haunted me. I
was afraid to become like that rich man who walked away sad. I didn’t
want to reach the end of my life with regret that I hadn’t pursue the
call to priesthood. As I continued in discernment, others fears would
surface.
Stay tuned for Fear Part 2! |
