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From our Pastoral Intern Eben MacDonald
The more I became involved in parish ministry, the
more intense thoughts about priesthood became. I tried to ignore these
feelings, pushing them to the back of my mind. I didn’t want to face
them. I didn’t want to give up the life I had: the house, the car, the
money, etc. I was afraid to let go of the “good life” in order to pursue
a priestly vocation. I found myself asking God in prayer: “Aren’t I
doing enough, Lord? I’m leading a good life, following the commandments,
and volunteering my time in ministry, isn’t that good enough?”
My answer from God came from the gospel passage of the rich young man.
The rich young man asks Jesus what he must do to inherit eternal life.
He is a good man who has kept the commandments since his youth but Jesus
challenges him to go further, to sell all that he has and give to the
poor. The gospel tells us the rich man went away sad because he had many
possessions. He couldn’t let go of the life he had; he couldn’t pay the
cost of discipleship.
That gospel haunted me. I was afraid of becoming
that rich man who couldn’t let go of his possessions in order to be a
disciple of Jesus. I was afraid of reaching the end of my life with a
regret that I couldn’t sacrifice what I had to pursue a priestly
vocation. I have talked to a number of men who at one time harbored
thoughts about priesthood or going to seminary and for one reason or
another didn’t pursue it. I usually detect a hint of sadness or regret
in their voice. Although they may have gone on to have good and decent
lives as husbands, fathers, and professionals they experience some
sadness about not having pursued priesthood. I didn’t want to be in that
position.
Like the rich man in the gospel I was leading a good life, but I felt
Jesus was calling me to something more. My vocation director once said
something that has stuck with me, “Don’t let good be the enemy of best.”
I may have been living a decent life and was serving the Lord in many
good ways but if God was calling me to something greater, if God knows
what is best for me, shouldn’t I trust in that and follow that path? A
momentous decision faced me. How would I respond?
May you have a happy and blessed Christmas and a peaceful New Year! |
